"2 + 2 = 4. Great, kid. Now join the army or we will kill you in your sleep."
Early Learning with the Pigmask Army is an "educational game" created by a group of Pigmasks to impress Porky Minch (it worked, actually), and Porky Minch soon edited the game to make it more "interesting". It is a minigame collection with an unlockable 5-part story mode. It is for PC, Wii XPlayMeat, and Leapster. Cartridges/disks have a type of liquid inside of them so they self-destruct if the player plays certain minigames or finishes the story mode. The game is known as a "troll game" sometimes, as it has many death threats, wrong anwsers to questions that are actually right, and a gun that is hacked into the system the game is being played on that is used to kill anybody who doesn't join the Pigmask army after 10 days of playing the game.
Names and death threats are in bold.
- Porky Minch as himself and the Porky Bots
- Midbus as himself, Moltwo, and the Pigmasks
- Math as the narrator
- Zombie Frostrock as Claus
- Klauz as himself and Nibbley
- Pigmask #632 as Ridley
- Pigmask #13 as Giygas
- Angler as himself and Count Desertstone
- Pigmask #23 as Bulb and Gieax
- Odorship as herself and Moltwo
The title screen doesn't really have the title of the game. To start the game, you click on the large Pigmask symbol on the top. If you click the Fierce Pork Trooper, Porky Statue, or Pigmasks, they will salute. If you click the Porky Bot, it will self-destruct and then come back. Clicking the Pork Tank will make a Pigmask come out and wave at the screen. Clicking on Porky will make him say, "Welcome to Early Learning with the Pigmask Army! If you like this game, join the froakingarmy or die".
Death Threat minigames
These minigames have death threats or Pigmask Army advertisements. Completing all of these will unlock story mode.
The Ultimate Chimera's ABCs!: The minigame opens with the Rougue Chimera saying, "Before you join the army or die, here is a bit of the past"! The screen goes black and says "2006", and it shows the Ultimate Chimera in the Chimera Lab. "U is for Ultimate Chimera! So, are you in the army yet?" the narrator says. The player watches a short clip with Angler singing the alphabet, and then saying, "Join the army or you shall drown... Little kid". The Ultimate Chimera asks the player if they know the alphabet now. If you say yes, the game will take you to the title screen. If you say no, the game will replay the clip, but it will be slower and in G-major, making it quite disturbing.
Pigmask Counting!: The minigame opens with two Pigmasks saying they should gather a lot of Pigmasks. The second Pigmask says, "Yeah! Maybe we will kill the person watching us through the screen"! Many Pigmasks appear on the screen for a few minutes, and then Klauz tells them to go to lunch. The player has to remember how many Pigmasks there were, and then type in the answer. If the player gets it wrong, the game glitches the system so it never turns on ever again. If the player gets it right, Midbus will come on screen, and then he will say the line shown at the top of this page.
Giygas' Grammar Glob!: The minigame opens with Giygas saying, "Ness... Ness... Ness... Nezz... It herts... I... Feel... Guud...". A black blob will soon drop, and there is red text saying, "JOIN THE ARMY OR DIE YOU PEST!!". After 18 seconds, a blue blob will mix with the black blob to create an orange blob (did the producers of this game learn about primary and secondary colors at all?!) with green text that says the exact same thing Giygas already said, and the player needs to click on all of the spelling errors to correct them under 20 seconds. If they don't, Giygas will take over the screen. If they do, Odorship comes, dragging what seems to be the corpse of Claus. Ridley is also dragged, and before he dies he says "Join the Pigmask army... Or be like meeeeeeeeeeeeee...". Odorship says, "I'm going to ship dead Ridley with you"!